Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] You're listening to The Love Vox with psychotherapist Amynah Dharani.
[00:00:18] Happy Friday, everyone.
[00:00:20] Today I'd like you to participate in a brief thought experiment with me.
[00:00:26] Imagine you're at a party.
[00:00:28] You notice someone who looks like they have it all—wealth, beauty, charm.
[00:00:36] Sit with that for a moment.
[00:00:38] Now, what are you feeling?
[00:00:42] Perhaps it's nothing.
[00:00:44] Perhaps envy. Or maybe jealousy.
[00:00:48] Or both.
[00:00:50] Think about why you feel that way.
[00:00:53] I want to assure you that you're not alone in having these feelings. These feelings of envy and jealousy are more common than we think.
[00:01:02] And surprisingly, they may not just be societal issues, but deeply rooted in our evolutionary psychology.
[00:01:10] Let's dive into how these emotions have evolved and what they mean for us today.
[00:01:16] Envy and jealousy are emotions we all experienced. They are part of our complex emotional landscape. But what do they really mean? Let's break it down.
[00:01:27] Envy.
[00:01:29] Envy is that feeling you get when you want what someone else has. It might be their success, their lifestyle, or even their relationships.
[00:01:40] You admire their possessions, but wish you had them for yourself.
[00:01:47] One can say envy is a creature that won't be tamed. This statement hints at how difficult it is to control envy.
[00:01:57] Consider jealousy.
[00:01:59] Jealousy is a different animal. It arises when you fear losing something you already have, a partner, a job, or even a friendship.
[00:02:10] It's more about protecting what's yours rather than wanting what someone else possesses. In a sense, jealousy feels like a conflict, while envy serves as a motivation.
[00:02:23] A fascinating aspect of these emotions is their biological underpinnings. Research suggests that both envy and jealousy are not just socially learned behaviors. There is an evolutionary thread running through them.
[00:02:37] Our emotions likely evolve to help us navigate social groups and relationships.
[00:02:43] In prehistoric times, being envious of a peers resources might have encouraged you to strive harder for survival.
[00:02:51] It's a bit like how animals behave when they feel threatened. Imagine a wolf that feels jealous of another for a prime hunting ground.
[00:02:59] That emotional response helps it fight for its territory.
[00:03:04] Humans are not so different. Our brains are wired to react based on social comparisons, which drive our emotions.
[00:03:14] Envy and jealousy have played significant roles in human evolution. These emotions can trigger competition, which is a fundamental part of survival.
[00:03:26] Let's take a look at how these emotions manifest in social contexts. Studies have shown that people feel more jealous toward their peers than distant celebrities. That might seem obvious. It's because relational dynamics are more pronounced with those around you. Especially if someone is slightly better off than you and lives just next door. They can often feel more relatable and more of a threat than compared to a billionaire let's say understanding why you might feel envious or jealous can be a starting point for personal growth.
[00:04:03] Take a moment to think. Who do you feel jealous of?
[00:04:07] It's often those who seem to have what you desire, yet they are attainable compared to distant figures of success.
[00:04:17] These emotions reflect not just your desires, but your self evaluations and social interactions.
[00:04:27] Social comparison plays a fundamental role in how we perceive envy and jealousy. Whether you're scrolling through social media or sitting at a meeting, comparisons happen instinctively.
[00:04:41] People often feel more intense envy toward peers, especially in workplace situations. Why is this?
[00:04:50] Because thin margins separate you from your peers. When a colleague gets promoted, it feels personal. It raises questions like why them? Or what do they have that I don't?
[00:05:05] This blend of personal connection and perceived unfairness magnifies emotional responses.
[00:05:12] Such internal evaluations can lead your mind to harmful spirals.
[00:05:18] Perhaps this is why social media can often feel overwhelming. Each scroll offers a reminder of others successes.
[00:05:28] Jealousy also casts a long shadow over personal relationships. While we often hear that a little jealousy can be sweet, it can also damage trust. Jealousy often stems from fear. You fear losing someone you care about, and this fear can trigger irrational behaviors.
[00:05:48] When jealousy takes over, communication can shut down.
[00:05:53] Healthy relationships thrive on trust. When jealousy seeps in, it can create barriers. Instead of fostering love and understanding, it breeds suspicion and anxiety.
[00:06:06] If you feel jealousy creeping into your relationships, take a moment to reflect.
[00:06:12] What are your fears saying about you?
[00:06:17] When confronting feelings of envy and jealousy, consider these practical one, recognize your feelings. Simply acknowledging that envy and jealousy exist within you is a crucial first step.
[00:06:32] Two, identify the triggers. What people or situations spark these emotions? Is it a friend getting a larger home or a colleague receiving a promotion?
[00:06:46] Three, reflect on the underlying cause. Ask yourself why these triggers affect you. What do they reveal about your goals or desires?
[00:06:58] Four, practice gratitude. Focusing on what you have can diminish feelings of envy. Create a list of things you are thankful for.
[00:07:09] Five, communicate openly. If appropriate, discuss your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist.
[00:07:17] Sharing can often lighten the burden.
[00:07:22] As a psychodynamic, insight-oriented therapist, I am big on the importance of awareness and self-reflection.
[00:07:31] Awareness is key in managing harmful emotions.
[00:07:35] Reflecting on your thoughts and feelings can lead to profound insights. Here’s why I think introspection matters.
[00:07:43] Introspection promotes self-understanding. By examining your emotional responses, you can uncover deeper motivations.
[00:07:52] Introspection also helps regulate emotions.
[00:07:56] Recognizing triggers enables better emotional management in future situations, and introspection enhances decision making.
[00:08:07] The clearer your self awareness is, the more rational your responses will be.
[00:08:15] Being proactive in therapy can help you reshape your emotional experiences and improve your mental well being.
[00:08:23] Therapy is not just a space for venting feelings, it can be a powerful catalyst for change.
[00:08:29] Seek the therapy proactively. Don't wait until feelings overwhelm you. Consult professionals when you feel negative emotions bubbling up.
[00:08:40] Ultimately, addressing envy and jealousy is not just about suppressing negative emotions, it's about gaining insights and fostering growth.
[00:08:51] Through awareness and proactive measures, you can navigate these feelings.
[00:08:56] Remember, the aim is not to eliminate them, but to understand them. In doing so, you can transform them into essential tools for self improvement.
[00:09:09] If you'd like to learn about my private practice, you can go to the lifeinterrupted.com. in the meantime, please connect with The Love Vox on Facebook, Instagram, and X. And if you'd like to contribute to the show, please visit the show's website, thelovevox.com, where you can leave voicemails that can be featured on the show and you can also contribute to stories we are looking to feature. Until next time, stay passionate, stay curious.
