Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] You're listening to the love vox with psychotherapist Amynah Dharani.
[00:00:18] Happy Friday, everyone.
[00:00:21] You know, I don't know about you, but this was a packed week for me with lots to do and with the demands to do everything well.
[00:00:30] And as I got to thinking about the topic for our small bite segment, it seemed right to speak on the pressures of doing things just right, also known as perfectionism.
[00:00:43] Perfectionism isn't just a quirky personality trait, it's a heavy weight that many of us carry without even realizing it, which can feel more like a curse than a blessing.
[00:00:56] In today's fast-paced world, you might feel continuously bombarded by societal pressures urging you to constantly perform, improve and compete. And this often leads to a recurring sense of never feeling like you are enough. And that can be pretty exhausting.
[00:01:15] It's almost as if you're on a hamster wheel chasing success, beauty, prestige and at what cost?
[00:01:24] So what is perfectionism anyway?
[00:01:27] At its core, perfectionism is the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. Sounds pretty harsh, right?
[00:01:35] It creates an inner critic that never stops nagging. You should be doing better.
[00:01:41] You might pour hours into a project only to feel disappointed because you can't quite reach that ideal image you have in mind. And thats exhausting.
[00:01:52] Now lets get a bit deeper into the psychological impact of living with perfectionistic tendencies.
[00:02:00] Research indicates that about 30% of individuals have these traits and it often walks hand in hand with anxiety and depression.
[00:02:11] This occurs because the fear of failure and the pressure to perform perfectly can be paralyzing, causing you to shy away from experiences that could otherwise lead to personal growth.
[00:02:23] Picture you're in a meeting and an idea strikes you, but instead of sharing it, you decide to hold back because you're worried it won't be perfect. So what happens? You miss out on showing your creativity and the possibility of a great discussion.
[00:02:42] It's fascinating how our culture feeds into this issue. In our fast paced society, theres an unspoken rule that we should always be working towards maximizing achieving more. In lesser time, you might feel like youre constantly on a treadmill trying to run faster, only as you realize that the destination keeps moving further.
[00:03:06] Each time you miss a mark, your inner critic turns up the volume, reinforcing the belief that youre never enough.
[00:03:14] This relentless cycle perpetuates the belief that feeling overwhelmed by tasks or emotions is a sign of weakness.
[00:03:23] Unfortunately, society praises the hustle mindset, glorifying those who seem to achieve perfection regardless of the toll it takes on their mental health.
[00:03:35] You might identify with the notion that taking breaks or prioritizing self care is slacking off or somehow derogatory. Yet taking those moments for oneself can be life changing.
[00:03:47] Consciously allowing yourself some time off goes against the societal narrative, and vulnerability is often seen as a flaw.
[00:03:56] But understanding that you are more than your accomplishments can offer an emotional rebirth.
[00:04:03] Now, while you reconsider your relationship with perfectionism, lets explore the idea of good enough you might be surprised to discover that the journey of embracing the concept of being good enough started with the insight of british pediatrician and psychoanalyst DW Winnicott.
[00:04:25] His notion of the good enough mother is more than just a catchy phrase, its a profound commentary on the nature of parenting and healthy self development.
[00:04:35] Winnecott famously stated, the good enough mother is one who is good enough to provide a child with a sense of identity and security.
[00:04:44] This perspective flips perfectionism on its head, suggesting that striving for unattainable standards in caregiving can create more harm than good.
[00:04:55] Consider the helicopter parents.
[00:04:58] When caregivers are overly perfect, children might never learn to navigate the complexities of reality.
[00:05:07] Instead, they may wrestle with feelings of inadequacy and self doubt as they attempt to meet an imagined ideal.
[00:05:16] In a world demanding constant achievements, embracing a good enough mindset is revolutionary.
[00:05:25] Now, how can you translate the concept of good enough into adult life?
[00:05:32] Here's a thought.
[00:05:34] What if you measured your self worth not by the flawless execution of everything that you do, but by your ability to engage and learn and grow through the imperfections of life rather than being perfect, aspire to be good enough, and that might enable you to release the heavy shackles of perfectionism that bear down on mental health.
[00:06:01] Winnicott's insights remind us that we don't have to grapple with these weights alone.
[00:06:06] Establishing boundaries and allowing for downtime can make space for living with true authenticity.
[00:06:13] And instead of focusing on the hustle, what if you granted yourself the luxury of stillness?
[00:06:20] It's in those quiet moments that you might rediscover aspects of yourself that have been overshadowed by constantly striving for perfection.
[00:06:30] So friends, embrace good enough and let go of perfectionism.
[00:06:37] If you'd like to learn about my private practice, you can go to thelifeinterrupted.com. in the meantime, please connect with The Love Vox on Facebook, Instagram, and X. And if you'd like to contribute to the show, please visit the show's website, thelovevox.com, where you can leave voicemails that can be featured on the show. And you can also contribute to stories we are looking to feature. Until next time, stay passionate, stay curious.
